Filtering by Tag: Ben Neumann

Driller MMA: Mecca IV Results (04/26/14)

Sometimes, at night, when I'm not trying to think of something to write that will be wildly misinterpreted, I like to read. I got about halfway through Curious George and the Suprise Party when I realized I just couldn't handle the mounting tension anymore so I moved to something a little lighter: Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail.  Having little to no interest in politics, but having enjoyed Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, The Rum Diaries and The Hell's Angels, I figured I'd give myself a rare glimpse into the world of mud slinging through the eyes of gonzo journalism. As suspected, most of the s*** went straight over my head. Either it was a societal disconnect or it takes a reader with greater information and sensibilities than I to interpret. Either way, it was a pretty slow read. And he uses the N-word, which made me feel uncomfortable in my suburban, lower-middle class home. Though one passage in particular caught my eye. It was a passage that spoke to me as a hack writer--one who has been chastised as often as praised: "So much for Objective Journalism. Don't bother to look for it here--not under any byline of mine; or anyone else I can think of. With the possible exception of things like box scores, race results, and stock market tabulations, there is no such thing as Objective Journalism. The phrase itself is a pompous contradiction in terms."

~ Hunter S. Thompson

This inspired me, but not in the way you might think. While I never refer to myself as a journalist and I do--believe it or not--believe that I am objective when it comes to MMA fights. My views and comments have nothing to do with a fighter as a person. Who you are outside the cage doesn't matter to me.

You win or you lose. That's your job.

It's cold and callous...and objective.

So, instead of writing round play-by-plays, I am literally going to phone this one in. No write ups, just results via text...with possible witticisms because since there are like seven bars Iin this place, thus be drunk as a monkey.

I mean, come on, if you can't throw a f***ing jab, how am I supposed to not call you out on it? With or without a bloody mary, two screwdrivers and four tallboys...


Dion Kriz (0-1) vs. Charlie Anozie (2-1)

Results: Charlie anozie via TKO at 2:40 of the 1st round.

Dale Walters (0-12) vs. Ed Albrecht (1-1)

Results: Ed Albrecht via submission due to rear naked choke at :29 of the 2nd round

You know honey badger, there are Gyms in and around the eagan area that teach boxing and grappling...

Khaled Afara (0-0) vs. Marc Gomez (0-1)

Results: marc gomez via TKO at 2:29 of the 1st round...after 40 or so unanswered punches from mount 

Marc gomez has both the most lively crew and the most emotional post-fight reaction this side of nate quarry. damn.

Drew Breckling (0-0) vs. Michael Jokondo (1-0)

Results: Michael Jokondo via submission due to triangle choke at :57 of the 3rd round.


*sigh* It's just not the same when she isn't really here.


Ash Majek (5-2) vs. Nick Palmer (3-4)

Results: Ash Majek via unanimous decision (29-28, 29-28, 30-27)

Not gonna lie,all the smarta** comments i had loaded up involved "watch out for that left hand"/KO

Lightweight Title Fight

Alex Wiggs Jr. (4-0) vs. Cameron Gilliam (8-1)

Results: Cameron Gilliam via submission due to triangle choke at :50 of the 2nd round.


Ben Neumann (6-3) vs. Jeremy Castro (11-13)

Results: Ben Neumann via submission due to rear naked choke at 2:00 of the 1st round.

So, i kind told Ben's cornerman Garret's i wouldnt comment on his voice cracking, but...I'm a liar. Oh, and Ben did a move worth YouTubing.

Rick Jackson (4-2) vs. Mike Zimmer (3-2-1)

Results: Mike Zimmer via submission due to rear naked choke at 3:58 of the 1st round.

INTERMISSION...i want a taco...

Starr Roberts (4-19) vs. Roland Larson (1-6)

Results: Roland Larson via submission due to heelhook at 2:45 of the 1st round.

So, I hear there's this thing in Thailand called a "tiger show"...I wanna train in thailand...

Featherweight Title Fight

Jordan Neer (5-0) vs. Nick Compton (9-3)

Results: Nick Compton via submission due to armbar at 2:51 of the 1st round.

Serious tough points to Compton for getting spiked twice going for the first armbar and staying calm enough to lock up the second. damn.

Welterweight Title Fight

Nate Howe (7-2) vs. Ben Smith (9-2)

Results: ben smith via unanimous decision 49-46, 48-47, 48-47  

And the "getting blood on me" streak continues...

By the way, best f***ing fight ive seen in a loooong time.

Satisfied? I don't give a s***.

Chaos at Canterbury 5 (2/22/14) Quick Results


[insert words here]

Wish I could have been here, but don't worry, you better believe I was doing something awesome as a part of my rockstar lifestyle.

...I was crying over what my life has become and my eyes were too puffy and swollen to drive.

Quick Results:

Jason Huntley defeated Dale Walters via submission due to kimura at 2:54 of the 1st round.

Jason Allred defeated Ben Anderson via  TKO, unable to continue after the 2nd round.

Dustin Murphy defeated Jesse Rogge via submission due to rear naked choke at :31 of the 1st round.

Clearly the kid is at his best when he has errands to run as soon as the fight ends.

Otis Hamilton defeated Garrett Sowman via unanimous decision (29-28 on all)

Eric Johnson defeated Joe Cook via unconsciousness due to rear naked choke at :30 of the 1st round.

Nate Hoffman defeated Jake Immel via KO due to a knee at :09 of the 2nd round.

Pat Magdaleno defeated Brian Learn via TKO due to punches at 0:19 of the 1st round.

That's what happens when you attend a BJJ seminar by a get a TKO.

Randy Lene defeated Alex Figueroa via submission due to guillotine choke at :30 of the 1st round.

Ben Locken defeated Ben Miller via TKO due to punches at 1:41 of the 1st round.

Kyle Todd defeated Drandon Stoyanoff via submissions due to punches at 1:12 of the 1st round.

Time to fight Nick Diaz. Use those camp connection son! I know I would, my only camp connections resulted in a LOT of therapy sessions as an adult.

Pam Sorenson defeated Christina Jobe via submission due to guillotine choke at :46 of the 1st round.

Chelsi Westrup defeated Hope Sanfter via unanimous decision (29-28 on all).

Berta Gray defeated KC Scott via TKO due to punches at 2:41 of the 1st round.

Kevin Asplund defeated Matt Larson via submission due to rear naked choke at 2:24 of the 1st round.

Ben Neumann defeated Matt Rider via submission due to triangle choke at :58 of the 1st round.

Sean Richman defeated Jesse Wannemacher via unanimous decision (50-45, 49-46, 48-47)

Because, you know, having three different angles on the fight means three COMPLETELY different scores. 

John Castaneda defeated Derrick Mandell via unanimous decision (29-28 on all).

My eyes are still puffy, I'm going back to bed.

Driller/SEG Present Havoc at High 5 (03/23/13)- Results

Image As most of you know, I usually like to start with some rambling diatribe about something stupid, however, I've been on the wagon as of late and, as such, without my usual powers of inane rambling.

As many of you alkies know, once you get off the sauce, it's important to have some other vice to focus on. In my case, it's amphetamines.

(*DISCLAIMER* There is no evidence for or against the writer of this article having ever taken an illicit substances and any speculation off of an unsubstantiated work of fiction shall be considered libelous and just plain naive.)

Fortunately, I have people in my life that are concerned about my health and are able to offer life lessons in an effort to save me from a fated life of prostitution and sub-par writing.

Enter Alex P. Keaton


For those of us old enough to remember the Twins winning a World Series back in 1987, we also remember a very special episode of Family Ties in which APK took amphetamines to help with his studying only to be confronted by his ex-hippie parents. It was very emotional.

Sadly, I have an addictive personality and it wasn't enough.

Enter Carlton Banks.


One time, on a very special episode of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Carlton mistakenly took amphetamines out of his cousin Will's locker, thinking it was Vitamin K in hopes that it would clear up an inopportune pimple for the school dance. He was rushed to the hospital after some awesome dancing.

It was very emotional. Yet still not enough.

Then there was Jessie Spano.


One time, on a very special episode of Saved By The Bell, Jesse felt so overwhelmed with her school work and extracurricular activities that she took amphetamines to get caught up only to have a breakdown in front of her best friend, Zach Morris. It was very emotional.

It stirred something inside me...down south of the boarder. So I decided to watch Showgirls.

I tell you what, that s*** sobered me right up. Jesse Spano boobs or not, that movie is rancid.

Okay, time for fights.


Lydell Miller (3-7) vs. Tanner Walsh (1-0)

Round 1) Miller immediately presses and goes for a standing guillotine. The two fight for cage control and it’s quickly turning into a wrestling match. Walsh gets full guard as the fight hits the ground. Walsh throws up a triangle and fights to tightened, it looks pretty solid, but not great. Miller is pure heart (luck) surviving, but he does.

Round 2) Walsh goes for a trip and pulls full guard. Miller drops a few hammers and stands. Miller lands a solid jab-cross that Walsh wants nothing of and digs for underhooks. Miller gets the fight to the ground and pulls full guard. Miller passes and they stand. Miller sticks a few more solid punches that get Walsh to turn. Miller gets a bear hug from back and drags the fight down. He takes back and locks in a body triangle, but isn’t able to finish before the bell.

Round 3) Walsh tries a head kick and Miller ties up. The fight hits the ground with Miller in bottom half guard with an overhook. He is able to get the sweep and Walsh gets full guard. Miller is throwing heavy shots as he postures in a desperate attempt to win some points to what looks like could end up as a split decision (knowing these judges).

Winner: Lydell Miller wins via split decision. 30-27 (Miller), 29-28 (Walsh) and 29-28 (Miller).

Though, how the f*** a judge could call the first round for Miller is anyone’s guess.

Eric Berg (0-3) vs. Jeffery Brummett (0-1)

Round 1) Very strange kick exchange between the two fireplugs (both fighters are 5’7”). Brummett is giving up 8 pounds at a 181 catch weight against Berg. I dunno, whatever. Anyway, Brummett goes for a spinning kick and slips. Berg pounces like he sees a cupcake, getting top crossbody. Brummett bullies his way back to his feet and is able to force Berg to the ground and take mount. Berg is able to survive the first flurry, but Brummett lands to many unanswered bombs (should have been stopped sooner).

Winner: Jeffery Brummett at 2:15 of the 1st round via knockout…even though it was really a TKO…sigh…

Brandon Bell (3-1) vs. Kyle Todd (4-2)

Round 1) Todd pushes the action and Bell tries to jump guillotine. Todd gets the takedown and Bell works rubber guard. Bell does his best to control posture and it almost looks like he goes for a gogoplata as the round ends. Todd won the round by virtue of landing punches from guard.

Round 2) Todd’s striking is far crisper. Bell jumps and arm-in guillotine. Todd goes to the ground and avoids the choke. Bell goes for rubber guard again. For some reason Todd has no interest in passing guard. Todd finally passes just before the Bell. This one could be a coin-flip.

Round 3) Todd immediately shoots and gets a slamming, pure power, single leg. Bell goes right back to rubber guard. Bell eventually is able to turn and set up an omoplata, but Bell stays calm, postures and passes to turtle control. Todd is able to turn Bell over and take mount just as the round ends.

Winner: Kyle Todd wins via unanimous decision (30-27 for all three judges)


I don’t know what that means…

Adric Kennedy (4-0) vs. Angel Pacheco (3-2)

Round 1) Both men come out and it looks like they are more than happy to trade punches. Early on it looks like Pacheco has the edge in speed, but Kennedy has the edge in power. Pacheco has good head movement and has to block two blistering head kicks. Kennedy presses the action to the cage and lands two body kicks. The second makes Pacheco go to a knee and the ref stops the fight, thinking it was a liver kick.

It wasn’t.

The action restarts and Kennedy slips going for another head kick. Pacheco is able to get back control at the bell.

Round 2) Kennedy is the aggressor this round, but Pacheco stays composed. For a moment it looks like Pacheco could turn the momentum in his favor, but Kennedy gets it right back with a couple of powerful punch-kick combinations. Kennedy wins the round.

Round 3) Kennedy mixes things up and shoots for a takedown, getting Pacheco’s back standing, but isn’t able to get him to the ground. Pacheco comes on stronger as the round progresses, but it isn’t with the kind of urgency he needs for a finish. It looks more like a boxing match, content to win the round. But is it enough to win the fight?

Winner:Adric Kennedy via unanimous decision (20-27, 29-28, 29-28)

Again, how the f*** could anyone say Kennedy won the last round? With that not-quite-a-takedown?

Codie Kahler (2-0) vs. Floyd Hodges (11-6)

Round 1) Kahler gets the early trip and lands in top half guard, but Hodges escapes the back door. Hodges is looking strong with some crisp boxing, but Kahler pushes right in for another trip. He gets it and lands in top mount. He stays patient, solidifies the position then goes to work with hard punches and elbows from wherever he can find them.

Somehow Hodges survives a LONG TIME on the bottom and gets to his feet, but his face is cut and beat badly. Kahler is relentless and pursues with punches, kicks and knees. Twice it looks like Hodges is going down, only to turn and return a couple punches. Guy has a hell of a chin, but no one lasts forever. Finally, Hodges’ legs give out and Kahler pounces. The ref waves it off.

Winner: Codie Kahler via TKO at 3:44 of the 1st round.

Dude…dude…Kahler is a f***ing animal!

Frankie Johnson (10-7) vs. Ben Locken (2-2)

Round 1) With father and Rice Street Gym Owner Johnny Johnson in his corner, Frankie goes to work with his boxing, but it looks like Locken wants to wrestle. Locken gets a strong double and tries to posture and pass to cross-sides, but Johnson is able to throw his legs up and get a tight triangle. Locken taps quickly. Damn nice triangle submission for the boxer.

Winner: Frankie Johnson via submission (triangle choke) at 1:12 of the 1st round

Josh Wiseman (4-1) vs. Donald Williams (2-1)

Round 1) Williams ties up early and tries to throw for the takedown, but Wiseman avoids. They break and Williams lands a solid combo. Williams is looking quick and strong, but Wiseman has great takedown defense. I'm going to go ahead and break down this round in a manner that saves us all a lot of time: Williams gets a lot of takedowns, Wiseman does a good job of escaping bad places.

Round 2) Williams' pace has slowed a bit and Wiseman gets the better of the early exchange. Then more of the same for a while (which from this point on means Williams getting takedowns and Wiseman escaping). Wiseman takes a thumb to the eye when the two are on the ground and takes time to recover. Wiseman comes out aggressive after the break, but Williams gets another takedown as the round ends.

Round 3) Just to mix things up, Wiseman goes for the takedown and Williams gets the better of the follow-up punch exchange. Then it is back to more of the same. Eventually, Williams is able to slip away and get to Williams' back standing, he pulls for a suplex, but just ends up pulling Williams on top as the round ends.

Winner: Donald Williams via unanimous decision (30-27 for all judges)


Damion Hill (7-2) vs. Courtney Buck (10-8)

Round 1) Buck starts out the fight looking a little more confident and Hill doesn't seem as composed as previous fights, having trouble finding his range early as Buck plants him with a solid punch. Buck tries to follow up with a knee, but Hill circles away. Buck lands another punch that puts Hill on his butt and again Hill stands. Hill lands a wicked teep kick to Buck's midsection that knocks Buck down. As Buck stands the pace slows as both men have to respect each others stand up. Buck stumbles Hill with another shot and tries to follow it up, but Hill gets a double leg as the round ends

Round 2) Hill shoots for an early takedown and Buck has to pull full guard. Buck throws his legs up and gets a circle, but isn't able to lock in his triangle as Hill stands to avoid. The two start trading leg kicks and Hill starts to look more comfortable on his feet. Hill bullies another double leg and Buck gets full guard with an overhook. The round ends with little action.

Round 3) Hill is finding his composure and hits another double leg takedown. The ref stands after a period of inactivity and Buck comes alive for a few moments with a strong combination. The two are looking tired and trade more leg kicks. Bucks lands a great body kick and Hill drives for another takedown. Buck goes for a kimura sweep from guard, then tries a guillotine, but can't find it. Buck gets a head kick as the round ends.

Winner: Damion Hill via unanimous decision (29-28, 29-28, 30-27)

Are you f***ing kidding me? Buck didn't win the first round after planting Hill twice? What the f*** more do the judges need?



Nick Spina (8-3-1) vs. Sean Richman (4-0)

You know what, there have been a lot of decisions tonight and this one is a five round fight. Unless I am amazed by something, these are going to be two sentence round descriptions at best. I don’t type well enough to keep up with all this.

Round 1) Richman takes an early shot to the cup and they break…once the fighting starts again, Richman is the aggressor with a strong teep to Spina’s face. Spina circles away, but Richman pursues…there’s my two sentences…DAMN! Richman puts Spina on the canvas! Three hard bombs and Spina is out. Fight over and a new featherweight ammy champ.

Winner: Sean Richman via KO at 1:52 of the 1st round


Steve Merth (6-1) vs. Ben Neumann (5-2)

 Round 1) Neumann comes out with a gap fighting stance, head leaning back away from Merth. Merth gets staggered by a fall-away hook but recomposes as Neumann drives for a double leg. Merth sprawls perfectly and is actually able to get mount out of the exchange. Neumann goes belly down to avoid and barely avoids an armbar. Neumann goes for a heelhook from his back, but Merth turns out of it and gets cross-side control, then turtle landing punches along the way.

They stand and Neumann goes for another takedown, but Merth's sprawl is spot on. Neumann stands and lands a couple of hooks, but Merth forces the action into the cage wall then to the ground. Neumann barely misses locking in an armbar just as the round ends.

Round 2) Neumann is cut early across the left eyebrow and Merth tries to bully him to the ground and into a north/south choke, but Neumann avoids. They stand and Neumann misses another shot. Merth is executing his gameplan perfectly to avoid the dangerous grappler. Neumann goes for a desperation heelhook, then nearly get's Merth's back, but Merth reverses and gets Neumann's back with both hook and digs for a rear naked choke that isn't there.

Merth moves to mount and has to bail, but still maintains turtle control, landing punches all the while. Merth gets mount again then back control AGAIN. Neumann doesn't have an answer for Merth's game, but refuses to give up. Very impressive.

Round 3) Neumann tries to pull a kimura early and transition it into an armbar, but Merth is able to walk around it to avoid. Neumann throws his legs up for a pseudo-inverted triangle, but just ends up inverted and learning why inverted guard doesn't transition from BJJ to MMA after a couple punches to the face. Neumann just can't find the answer he's looking for and is going for any and every submission that he possibly can. Merth is just too composed and willing to disengage and re-engage at his corner's demand. Truly excellent execution, planning and cornering.

Winner: Steve Merth via unanimous decision (I left, but assume 30-27 on all cards, then again, with these f***ing judges, someone let me know if I got it wrong).

This was actually a really great night of fights. Normally, my biggest and really only gripe about fighters is stepping into the cage and not bringing their A-game, but all the guys on tonight's card fought hard and made it difficult for even myself to be a cynical prick.

Either that, or it's the quaaludes.