If you are like me, and I hope you aren't (Hazeltine doesn't have enough rooms), when you first heard the word Cryosauna you thought of this:
Or (more likely):
It's probably for the best of all involved that it is actually just as simple as this:
Sorry, the girl isn't included in the deal. Though given the temperatures and the sock (more on that later), it's probably for the best.
So, what brings a person of as ill-repute as myself to an establishment that provides what seems to be all the buzz in terms of recovery or injury management?
Perhaps it would surprise you to hear that I'm not in the absolute peak physical condition...no, I'm not fat, why would you say that. You're a d***. I mean that I have injuries. More than a few that I have acquired and held onto over the years.
It was recommended to me by a friend on Facebook- yes, FB is good for something other than spouting political/religious ideologies, bragging about how far you just ran or that you want an ice cream sundae- so, as I do with far too many FB friends that I have never met, I took his advice.
is located in the Medical Building Downtown (park in the same place as Hell's Kitchen, perhaps go after for some cheap beer and the biggest hipster per capita outside of Uptown) on the 6th floor- suite 621.
In this small, unassuming office was the tool of what at least part of me thought would freeze me only to be thawed some point in the future. Not all that unlike Cartman trying to freeze himself and wake up after the Nintendo Wii was released (I watch too much TV).
There I was introduced to the owner of Cryosauna Minneapolis
, Branden Johnson. A nice enough looking guy with a Gopher's sweatshirt. He seemed very unlikely to freeze me and harvest my organs. Though, if he did, the joke would be on him.
A quick insight into the glory of my body:
Height: About average
Weight: 10 pounds heavier than what I tell people
1) Persistent Rotator Cuff pain (had to stop muay thai from it)
2) Lower back injury two years ago rolling
3) Right knee dislocated by hockey stick in college (never healed right)
4) Left knee dislocated by my own poor form on a judo thrown (in BJJ practice of all places)
5) Multiple concussions (obviously)
6) Liver, what's left of it, has been pickled.
7) strained oblique (three weeks ago, re-injured twice since then)
I didn't have high hopes going in. I mean, really, what could a blast of cold air do that time off, bottles of glucosamin and aspirin couldn't do?
It can make it better, that's what.
After being informed that my not having dry underwear (I came from training and only had slightly moist compression shorts) could create frostbite issues, I was given three socks. Two for my feet (the feet have no fat and are more affected by the cold.
And one for The Octagon.
It was the ONLY time in my life that I have ever felt like Flea from The Red Hot Chili Peppers.
At this point, stepping into the cryosauna created a greater concern about the sock falling off than anything else. It's not much, but I've grown attached. Though, if you're some rich boy and you have your own clean, dry underwear, you won't need the sock.
For those of you that think a cryosauna is just about getting blasted with really f***ing cold air...you're pretty much right. That's a loooong 2 1/2 minutes.
What are the potential benefits to all this? Too numerous for my ADD to list. So go to the website HERE.
After stepping out of the deep freeze, not all that unlike Han being encased in Carbonite...
Sorry, last one, I swear.
I wasn't thinking about any pain at all, but there had to be more to it than that. I can hit myself with a hammer to forget the pain too, but I would rather not pay for it a few times a week.
After sitting down with Branden and talking about the process, the results and his goal for the company (which I will get to another time) I have to say that I was suddenly struck by it all.
Now, I only get excited about three things:
1) Open bar at a wedding
2) the underwear section of the Sears Catalog
3) shiny things
However, on occasion, something comes around that even my concussion fogged mind can wrap around. Something, that if it lives up to even half of its potential, could very well mean a revolution in not only MMA, but all of professional sports.
Combining the recuperative effects of the cryosauna with the training techniques of the Moiser Method (go HERE
because I'm not explaining that right now) could mean a new level of athleticism that few outside of GSP have ever known.
And what better way to find out of the potential than to Guinea Pig myself. I really don't have that much more on my plate.
It was on the drive home that I noticed it: my side didn't hurt for the first time in three weeks. I twisted and turned, even sneezed (which normally causes a LOT of pain) and nothing. I went home and did some pullups (yes, I can do pullups), only the slightest feeling there to remember what I had done to myself.
The best metaphor I can think of, sadly, is that of a minute old fart. You know that there is still something wrong in the air, but you don't care and don't think about it. I know my oblique is still on the mend, but for the life of me, I don't care and I finally get to not think about it.
I'm nothing short of amazed. I really can't believe that in 2 1/2 minutes an injury that kept me off the mats was dulled to near-nonexistence.
I want more. I need more. I'm going down the rabbit hole. And trust me, this could be HUGE...
That's what she said!
Stay tuned for Part 2 in the next few days!